When I Close My Eyes…

I’m home:) 

As I’ve been transitioning home and getting back into my  daily schedule, I’ve been able to meet with my incredible Pittsburgh friends. One of the most asked questions (besides asking why I bungee jumped), is “what’s the hardest part of being back?” As I’m reflecting on the few weeks I’ve been home, this is what’s been going through my head…

 

I’m sitting at my kitchen table drinking Starbucks before work. When I close my eyes, I’m back on the porch looking out at the mountains drinking my instant coffee before a day of ministry.  

 

I’m home at the gym on the treadmill. When I close my eyes I’m back running on dirt roads looking out at the Malealea Valley or I’m running a 5k with Jesse, looking out at the Indian Ocean.

 

I’m home sitting with the same girl I’ve tutored for 5 years in the family’s sunroom, while I fight to hold her attention because her phone is more interesting than the math homework. When I close my eyes I’m back at Beats&Books tutoring algebra and literature to students who are so eager to know more. 

 

I’m then at North Way Church quietly worshiping in a big dark room. When I close my eyes I’m dancing and yelling praise in African church with only the tin roof protecting us from the African sun.

 

I’m in at church volunteering with the preschoolers. When I close my eyes I’m back with my preschool babies in Lesotho laughing as the boys chase me around the playground with bugs.

 

I’m sitting at the local diner with my dad eating a breakfast sandwich or I’m out with a friend eating a cheeseburger. When I close my eyes I’m back making grilled egg and tomato sandwiches with Ruth in our mud kitchen, hoping we don’t burn ourselves as we use a match to light the stove, or I’m sneaking off with Eden to give our stray puppy Boza the leftover hotdogs and rice from dinner.

 

I’m getting in my car alone to visit friends a few towns over. When I close my eyes, I’m squished in a taxi on hour 12 headed towards another country with 10 passengers. 

 

I’m shopping at Target and overhear a father tell his son to stay by him or a stranger will take him. When I close my eyes I see the wide-eyed children begging for sweets as they follow us all through the villages. 

 

I’m running to the shower after working a shift and starting laundry right away. When I close my eyes, the squad and I are drenched in mud laughing at the tug-of-war game we just had knowing we won’t have hot shower water for days, and knowing I have no plans to hand wash my clothes anytime soon. 

 

I’m sitting on my bed as my sister braids my hair. When I close my eyes I’m back sitting in the grass after a couple hours church service as the little girls surround me trying to put little braids in my hair. 

 

I’m taking the garbage outside and look up to see a star. When I close my eyes I’m under the thousands of stars worshiping in the valley as Allie plays her ukulele. 

 

I’m walking my dog Max around our neighborhood cul-de-sac. When I close my eyes I’m walking down the dirt road with Jessica and puppy Boza as we move aside for the roaming cattle and shepherds to pass. 

 

I’m eating take-out with my family at the table. When I close my eyes I’m back in the preschool eating cold pasta salad on the floor by candlelight with the strangers that became my sisters.

 

I’m holding hands with the girl I nanny as we walk through the mall. When I close my eyes I’m back on the dust road holding hands with Mama Loco (a very precious, little 4 year old girl) as we walk to the preschool together.

 

I’m reading my Bible in my dining room watching my neighbors go by. When I close my eyes I’m sitting on the beach, reading my Bible watching surfers.

 

I’m telling my friend her and her family are in my prayers as they are working through a hard time. When I close my eyes, I’m with my squad praying over taxi drivers, pastors, by passers, and each other.

 

I’m putting on my jewelry to match my sweater. When I close my eyes I’m back in the Mierke brothers workshop making rings out of spoons we snuck out of the kitchen. 

 

I’m talking to the mother of the children I just babysat while she tells me about the busy daily schedule with dark circles under her eyes with an expression of exhaust on her face. When I close my eyes I see so much joy and love in the widowed mothers’ eyes in front of me as she holds her now 6^th child telling me all about how she ended up in JoBurg.

 

So, this is the hardest part: when I close my eyes I’m back, but when I open them I want to BE back. 

Back in those moments where I had nothing to worry about other than where my feet were.

I had my fair share of struggles while gone and I’m working through a lot right now. However, if I’ve learned anything through this experience, it’s that the Lord is so faithful. Whether that be thousands of miles away or right here in Wexford, the Lord will provide.

Three months may not sound like much, but I promise three months can change the trajectory of your life.

I can’t wait till I’m back on a plane with my passport in hand, you can find me in Wexford until then.

Blessings,

Brenna:)